Ok, so I thought of this magnificent idea for the Superbowl. However, I realize that we do not have enough time to coordinate it, which means that I will still be ripping up the Superbowl this year. But, don’t worry, I have an even better deal to make with you guys and here it is: I will not write about football for the next season in its entirety if you allow me to sing the National Anthem at Superbowl L (50) in a sexy school girl outfit with four platoons of Marines standing behind me.
Here’s how it would go:
The Marines will march in first and take their positions. My name will be announced after the Marines are given “port arms,” and the Marine Corps Hymn would be playing in the background as soon as the Marines start marching. I will be announced as, “Writer of the Corporal Kerkman Reference Guide, Corporal Cassandra Rose Kerkman.” Then my Marines will call “present arms,” yell “Oorah!” and I will I start singing the Anthem LIVE.
The Marines should have been ORIGINALLY (which means it was their first unit) attached to the following units with an 03 MOS:
1st Bn 4th Marines
2nd Bn 5th Marines
1st RECON Bn
This can be verified with the individual Marine Corps unit, and they will know how to conduct a ceremony. There will be one platoon for each unit and each platoon should be big enough to cover 1/4th of the field. The officers will figure that out. It is their job, after all. Uniform will be Service Alphas because we’re sexy green machines, never get to wear our alphas, and are ensuring everyone has their Alphas squared away. That’s also Gen. Mattis’ favoritez uniform cuz he sleeps in it and stuff. ^_^
Every Marine will have their fully assembled and functional M-16 rifle to perform drill movements with and two full magazines to be placed wherever commanders feel is necessary. The rifle is necessary for the drill movements (and for Marines in general, duh), and the full magazines are for my own protection, you know, to make sure nobody’s gonna shoot me while I use my pretty voice to sing the National Anthem. Oh! They would also happen to be armed security guards making sure that no terrorists try to bomb the place, you know, with it being the 50th Superbowl and all. See? Gotchu covered already!
Once I am done singing, I will about face, give the Marines “port arms,” call “dismissed,” the Marines will say “dismissed aye Blackbeard,” then they will exit off the field in the way they know they are supposed to while Different Drum by The Stone Poneys plays. lol
All expenses will be paid for every individual Marine and each Marine will be paid the same amount as I would be paid to sing the song. All of my expenses will be paid and the payment I would receive to sing would be donated back to these four units, distributed equally, and will be used by the units however they need to use them. If the payment for the singing includes expenses, then distribute it to the units and have 2-5 come pick me up on the way to the game. They’ll take care of me.
I also get to sit next to Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw for the whole game and my Marines are with me at all times with their rifles and their magazines. 🙂
I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for. Let me knowz! U no how 2 get ahold of me. 😉