Score In Review

Alberto Riveron

Where’s your tip? Well, sir, it was handed to Packers’ Clay Matthews. You guys will meet up later and split it, just like Matthews and Seahawks’ Sherman will split the Superbowl earnings. Let’s see here, Aaron Rodgers has a torn calf muscle and played the entire game and Matthews has no injury but, as top defensive player, chooses to sit out on more than a few plays during a championship game with no injury. I don’t know if you’ve ever torn a muscle, but the calf muscle — you know, the one which basically supports the entire lower half of the leg — is one of the most painful injuries you can have.

So, why is it that so much time was spent off the field, Matthews? Too busy texting your butt buddy Sherman the codes for the plays you guys came up with last weekend while cuddling in bed after having a few glasses of wine? I’d say the Packers wreaked of a nark, and Matthews had to be the one. If I were the Packers, I’d be having a boot party with Matthews; not now, but when he least expects it. T-E-A-M, that’s how you win a game. Where were you at, motherfucker? Oh yeah, you were too busy thinking about Sherman’s reach around last night to get out on the field and sack him. You already had enough sacks with him, I’m sure.

But, that isn’t to say that Clays’ narkness with his lover, Dick, was the only thing that cost the Packers the game. There were a lot of plays made that were that of skill, but you know, with the Seahawks being at home with home refs, it was easy to pay them off. Not like the Seahawks never done it before. Call a lot of penalties in the beginning of the game to see if writers like Cpl Kerkman would become complacent with penalty calls — yeah right. Cpl Kerkman is never complacent.

But I’ll just forget the penalties for now and move on to what really pissed me off: this coin toss bullshit. How many times has a referee flipped that goddamn coin? A million. In knowing a thing or two about coins, once you’ve flipped ’em enough times, you learn how to land it on the side that you want it to land on. Flipping quarters is the ghetto child’s way of playing dice when you don’t got any — I know these things. I also know that heads is just a fraction of an ounce heavier than tails. I’m sure the same type of thing applies to this NFL coin. Of course Packers would call tails and it would land on heads.

As Buttfuck Buck was explaining what happens during overtime, the refs were accepting their tips, and good ol’ Buttfuck was anxious, waiting for his cut. I had a feeling that it was going to land on heads after they had the “flashback” to when the Seahawks got heads against the Packers back in the dizzay. What happened to this game? Goddamn. What do you people DO? Those bars on your jerseys represent the ball and chain that’s attached to your controllers in the review booths. Stop being greedy pussies and stand up for your self worth, because if you can’t fairly judge a game, what are you worth anyway? A couple hundred bucks.

So now I’m really excited about the Superbowl. I’m gonna rip it up. Better be on your a-game, Seahawks ’cause I’ll be watching.

I sure enjoyed the NFL Network pregame this time though. 🙂 The lovely Terry Bradshaw and Aaron Rodgers in one interview?! Man, I musta been the luckiest girl in the world to watch that. My favorite question: “So, now, I know Fox is gonna be mad at me, and I know you’re not gonna answer this question but….. How was it?” followed by two naughty laughs. I’ll just go ahead and give you an inside scoop; here’s what Aaron’s answer would have been: “Well, Cassandra and I were pretty trashed that night. We were drinking El Capitan from the bottle ’cause she didn’t have any Coke so I don’t remember much, you know, drinking with a Marine, and we woke up in the morning — forgot what happened the night before. Then we totally fucked and it was soooooo magicalz!” ❤ But don’t worry, [Terr]y, you and Aaron will make a good L-U-C-K-Y.T-E-A-M, and I only like intelligent men so those fuckers who try to make you feel otherwise can go back to sticking a dick in their dumb fucking mouths ’cause that’s all they’re good for anyway. So, hopefully we don’t get shot at beforehand, but, we don’t gotta worry about that; I got it. 😉

So then I was watching Howie’s pretty face and remembered that one time he met me at the Barnes and Noble cafe in Oceanside. I’m pretty sure there was a Chargers game and was in town. He told me about how he was making [S]ome [M]oney that weekend and I was kind of [dis]Interested. So he made a comment about Jack Kerouac’s poetry and I asked him what kinds of books he liked to read. “Sports history.” Oh! Of course, dearest, all kinds of sports. then we had a delightful conversation about military history — found a common ground. He liked that. He musta been thinking about that day during the pregame show ’cause it kinda seemed like he was [choking]. 🙂 Or maybe I just didn’t notice what he was saying ’cause I was too busy thinking about his [tru]ck.

In other news, I was searching for some material at some garage sales and came across some shit, and well, long story short, I’m totally building a trebuchet so PJ and I can launch some Flaming FireBalls out of it.

Also, NFL Network and corporate affiliates: if you would like for me to refrain from tearing up the Superbowl this year, I’ll post my stipulations at a later time. Yeah, I’ll work with you dirty motherfuckers, but you ain’t gonna be able to kill me. Sorry. Stand by, tho. I’m going to go work on my trebuchet project. It’s more important.

PS: I know what was going on with those MyPay pins, Marines. You naughty naughty Devil Dogs will pay for that later. ❤

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