Let’s Talk About Sex and Love


In being a very sexual person, Gemini, you know, represent, it’s easy for me to talk about sex in a way that may make others uncomfortable due to my freely sexual nature. When you’re surrounded by a bunch of men for four years, the tendency is to act in the same way as your brothers, it just be like that sometimes. You know, when you’re cleaning weapons and you’re talking about finger fucking them, the subject of sex comes up a lot. (Pun intended.)

This isn’t to say it’s easy to get in the sack with Cpl Kerkman ’cause it’s not unless I’m planning a hit it n quit it, you know. But even with quit its, I always find something endearing about that man through intelligent conversation that makes him special in my eyes before we get to that point. You gotta be a right combination of things: intelligent, awkwardly charming and geeky, fucking crazy as hell, treat me like a lady and be an asshole to everyone else. I like that shit, mostly because I’m all of those things. If you have all of those attributes, you’re handsome as fuck to me.

I had this long term relationship in high school which went sour pretty quickly, he was in a band and cheated on me the entire time we were together. I had fun with him, you know, I went to band practice, was at all the shows, and got to beat the shit out of everyone in the pit. It was a good time ’til they started touring and all of a sudden he didn’t want me at the shows anymore. I have this bad habit of staying in those shitty relationships until I find an exit plan, and I’ll treat him like shit until that exit plan happens. What comes around goes around, I guess.

Anyway, the one reason why I stayed with him after he started getting all shitty with me about the shows was because he was friends with this guy who had a brother that I was madly in love with. His name was Giovanni, a Marine Corps veteran and personal trainer. The boyfriend’s friend, Silvano, would invite us over all the time to parties where we would get high and drunk as shit. Every time the boyfriend got a text from Silvano inviting him over, I always hoped to God that Giovanni was there.

The first time I met Giovanni, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of him. He was a dick. He told the boyfriend and Silvano to go get some party supplies and I stayed back, wanting to know who this man was. I asked him what he did and he told me about his time in the Marine Corps, that he was going to college and working as a personal trainer at a gym near by. “Well, that explains a lot,” I thought. He started laughing and I was wondering if I had said that outloud or not. I ignored it.

“What are you majoring in?” I asked.
“Mass Media and Communications.”
I sat there and pondered what in the hell that was, “What?”
“Oh! I should have known that,” now I’m blushing, “Why do they call it that? Why don’t they just call it journalism?”
“Because journalism is… Mass media, and you’re…. communicating.”
“True… So, since you’re majoring in journalism, you must know who Hunter S. Thompson is.”
“Ah….. Shit… What did he write?”
“Hell’s Angels, The Rum Diary, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas…..”
“Oh! Yeah, I’ve seen the movie but never read the book. I’ll have to do that now,” now his face started turning red, “I’ve been reading Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls.”
“I’ve been meaning to read that book, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.”
“You should, it’s a great military story.”
“Well, you should read The Rum Diary, it’s a great journalism story… You know, since you’re majoring in journalism and all.” I smirked.
He laughed, “What are you reading that’s so much more important than Hemingway?”
“Well, it just so happens that I’m reading Shakespeare. He’s pretty important.”
Now he’s starting to get frustrated at my Gemini mind games, “What, Romeo and Juliet or some shit?”
“Ah, no. I’m reading As You Like It.”
“You should read Romeo and Juliet.”
“I already read it, and I didn’t like it much. Like, it’s a good story, but I just didn’t like it.”
Now he’s pissed off but still curious, “What kind of girl doesn’t like the greatest love story ever written?”
“The kind of girl that doesn’t think that the greatest love story ever written ends with the two lovers dying at the end. I mean, they could have just waited and been together forever in life rather than death.”
That set off a special nerve in his bones, “How old are you?”
“16,” I laughed.
“Fuck,” he mumbled.

I went outside to smoke a cigarette as Silvano and the boyfriend returned with the party supplies. That was the start of an awkward but awesome relationship in which I would think things to him in my head and he would respond to me outloud. We were never alone, always with a group of people around, and everyone would wonder how in the hell we were having a conversation. I loved it, and so did he. He treated everyone around like shit and treated me like a princess. The age difference made things weird, but I was just biding my time, waiting until I could leave the boyfriend for him. Then I got some devastating news right before I turned 18: Giovanni had to move out of state and I wasn’t able to talk to him. I was very upset due to the fact that I couldn’t say good bye and it was almost FUCKING TIME I could be with him, so I joined the Marine Corps. I was always looking for the mental stimulation we had together in other men, but I could never find it. The balance was off, and I suffered a lot trying to find it.

Time went by, and I stuffed the friendship we had in the back of my head, it hurt to much for me to talk about him or even think about him because I missed him all the time and was always wondering what he was doing and how he was doing. I came home on leave and had some sacred and special to-myself leave time. I called my buddy Joseph, another Marine Corps veteran who ran in the same crew as me in the punk rock scene. I got all the way to his fucking apartment and he got called into work, some other weird shit happened with some people that we knew that made me upset, and I was about to drive home when I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize:

“Hello Juliet,” the voice said.
“Um, this is Cassandra.”
“I know!”
I’m starting to recognize the voice, “Who is this?”
“Giovanni, silly.”
“Holy shit! Giovanni! How are you?! How did you get my number?”
“I got it from your exboyfriend,” then we both started laughing ’cause he used to beat the shit out of the exboyfriend whenever he went over to hang out with Silvano and didn’t bring me with, “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing ok, I’m home on leave and have some extra time. Are you busy? Or are you even in the state?”
“Oh, I joined the Marine Corps.”
“Fuck no, I’m not busy, come over. I moved back.”
“Ok, I don’t remember how to get to your house.”
I could hear his smile, “I just saw your exboyfriend’s truck outside of his house. Just ask him.”
“Haha, my pleasure.”

Now I’m fucking excited as fuck. So, I head over to the ex’s house and ring the doorbell. He wasn’t expecting to see me all covered in tattoos and 20lbs heavier from PT n shit. I start shooting the shit with him, asking him how he’s doing: still unemployed, still living with parents, not leaving any time soon. I thought that was pretty funny.

“So, you still talk to Silvano?”
“Yeah, I hang out with Silvano all the time.”
“Hear from Giovanni recently?”
“Nope,” now he’s fucking pissed and I’m loving it.
“Oh, he just called me and told me that you could tell me how to get to his house. You know, we’re both Marines and everything.”
“Yeah, I don’t remember how to get to his house.”
“Haha! I know that’s a lie. Oh!” I started looking down the street and remembering where to go, “Nevermind, I remember. It’s about time I get going.”
“Um…. Whatever, good to see you.”
“You too!” I smile and get in the car as he stomps back into his house.

Oh, Giovanni, I thought, I fucking love you. So, I drive on over to his house and there’s like three cars parked outside, so I’m thinkin’ he’s having a party. Great. I’m not in to the parties at this point in my life, but I wanted to see him so I roll up to the house and knock on the door like duty would. Unfortunately for me, the others at his house thought I was the po, and I was greeted with a multitude of weapons. I almost got shot, and Giovanni was pissed but amused at the same time.

“Don’t fucking knock on the door like that!”
“Dude, I was just trying to freak you out like it was duty.”
“I’m the only fucking person in this house who understands that shiiiiiit,” he looked up at the sky like, why is this woman so fucking sexy? “Hold on a second.”

Then he shuts the door in my face starts yelling at the guys ’cause he told them that he was having me over and he had a feeling I was going to do something like that and they almost got killed. Then they started arguing with him calling me “just a bitch” and that I don’t mean anything. Then I hear, “SHE’S A FUCKING MARINE!” preceded by a bunch of “ows,” “shits,” and “oh fucks.” Jesus, I’m thinkin’, What in the hell is he doing in there? Did he really just beat the shit out of all those dudes? Then all these guys walk out sayin’ they’re sorry and everything as he tells them to get the fuck out of his house, then he says, “Yes, I really did just beat the shit outta all those dudes.” That made me smile, so we go inside and sit on the couch, he asks me about the Marine Corps and now we’re smokin’ and jokin’.

“Giovanni, I have to tell you something.”
“I already know what you’re going to say.”
“I fucking missed you,” my eyes start to water, “How come I haven’t heard from you in so long?”
“I know, I’m sorry but there are a lot of things about my life that I have a hard time explaining to you, but just know that I fucking love you, Cassandra,” then we kiss and he has an idea to make me feel better as I start to get more upset, “Wanna go shoot shit in the back yard?”
I smile and he wipes the tears from my eyes, “I thought you’d never ask!”

So, he grabs his pistols and shows me how to shoot them; I had only shot my rifle at this point, and I really sucked at shooting the pistol which was getting me really fucking pissed.
“Sight alignment, sight picture,” he says, “that’s all you gotta know to shoot any weapon.”
Then I got it, “How come you didn’t tell me that before?!”
He giggled, “I thought you already knew,” I sighed, “Plus I thought it was pretty hot that you were getting so pissed off.”
Now I’m thinkin’, let’s get this fun over with so we can go have some more fun inside, and he says, “But let’s have this fun first. It’s like the bestest foreplay ever.”
We both start laughing, then I look into his eyes and he and says, “I think we’ve had enough of that foreplay for now though.” He picks me up, and brings me inside as we start taking eachothers clothes off. As we get inside, though, the door opens in the front of the house.

“Oh fuck,” he says, “this wasn’t supposed to happen today.”
“Well, at least we have these pistols ready,” I said.
“And at least you know how to shoot them now.”
I laughed, “You’re a dick.”

The state we were in had a Stand Your Ground Law, so we were ready to kill. Before the guys that entered even had a chance, we were shooting rounds. Long story short, they died, we lived, cops were called by neighbors, SYG was claimed, bodies get carried off, Giovanni deals with the rest. THEN I finally got to FUCK the man I’d been wanting to FUCK since I was fucking 16 years old. I spent the rest of my leave time with him, and I was hoping that we could be together, but my way of life and his way of life did not coincide at the time. He’s always in my heart and I know I’m always in his. Right before I got on the plane back to San Diego, I received a text message:

“Even though we are apart, we will always be together.”
Tears rolled down my face as I stood in line to board, “Stop being a drama queen.”
“Haha. You’re a dick. But I love you.”
“I love you too, Romeo.”
“Stop being a drama queen.”

That was the last time I heard from him. But I don’t mind, I’ll always love him and this doesn’t mean that I love anybody else any less. It is fully possible to be in love with more than one person and to show more than one person that love. To me, sex is about love, and loving someone comes in many different shapes and forms. To love someone as who they are as an individual is the greatest kind of love anyone can ask for. Any man that can make this woman fall in love with him and treat me as the woman I should be treated as will be loved for eternity. That’s just how I roll, so you better be ok with me sharing that love or else it ain’t gonna work. I ain’t a one man woman, and any man I love knows that. 😉

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