Heroin Disbursement and the War on Society (Chp III: Complacency Problems)

PJ acted a differently after that day. It seemed as though he felt a lot more relaxed than usual, which was good for him ’cause he was pretty high strung. He was constantly questioning the things that Spike Jones was making him do. I knew that Spike was the culprit in his complacency toward his life, because when someone has control over somebody else and the person being controlled starts to question the person in control, the controller starts to lose his power.

He would now come to me with stories about how he pissed off the entire crew with his belligerence, and how he wouldn’t take the bonus checks that they were trying to distribute to him anymore. I told him that he should be careful about doing that because that really pisses them off, so I told him to promise me that he would take the next one just to make them think that they were still in control. He did, but he didn’t like it. It was a constant struggle with him, and his moods were different every time he came over… but it didn’t take long for me to cheer him up and get him back to my PJ. It also helped that I had a drawer full of sexy clothes that I greeted him with every time he came over. We just sat around and laughed, watched animal documentaries, spent most of the day getting stoned and talking about the shit we were watching, then we would get bored and go walk to the beach or annoy the baristas at the shitty coffee shop down the street. Just wasting time and having a lot of awesome sex. We were in love.

He had this funny way of showing up right before I had to go to school, which was early in the morning so that I would have the rest of the day to smoke weed and write. He had a key at this point, would come in right after my husband left for work, and be all hyped up on energy drinks for the drive down to see me.

“Baby…….”
“Yesssss?!!?!!?!”
“It’s fucking 4:30 in the morning.”
“I know! That’s why I’m here. You’re used to waking up early anyway.”

I laughed and wiped the sleep from my eyes.

“Rack PT doesn’t start til 0615, naughty. What time did you leave?”
“0200!!”
“Haha, oh Jesus.”
“I drank some Monsters so that –”

The lock on the door started to make noise and we both almost shit our pants.

“Get in my closet!”
“It doesn’t close.”
“Hide behind the fucking clothes! Just fucking go! Hesitation kills!”

The husband walks in.

“Cassie.”
“Yeah……???” I act all tired like I just woke up.
“Who were you talking to?”
“I wasn’t talking to anyone.”
“I heard you talking to someone and I thought I saw someone come in here.”
“No, I’ve been fucking sleeping.”
“If I ever find out you’ve been cheating on me, I’m gonna kill both of you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m fucking serious.”
“Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here and go to fucking work. You’re the one cheating on me. I saw the videos.”

He ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders really hard.

“I am not fucking cheating on you, but if you are cheating I’m gonna kill you.”
“If YOU don’t get your FUCKING hands off of me, I’m going to FUCKING kill you.”

PJ couldn’t stand it anymore, so he emerged from the closet like a fucking gorrilla, grabbed the husband, threw him off of me, and punched him in the face. He took out a knife and put it at the husband’s throat.

“Go the fuck to work, Bob, you’re gonna be late. You just threatened to kill her and me, so go ahead and try something with a knife to your throat and see what happens. You know my woman knows how to deal with police.”
“Fuck you!” Bob spit in his face.

PJ grabbed him with the knife to his throat, and pushed him out the door.

“OH! And I’ll be fucking your wife while you’re at work. Aaaaallllllll day!”

I laughed as the husband left for work, but then I started to deal with the shock of what just happened. The tears started to roll, and I really started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” I yelped.
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry that happened. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I should have done something.” My Marine Corps prowess was taken away from me.
“Hell fucking no sweetpea! Are you crazy? That fucker would have fucking killed you if you did!”
“How am I supposed to leave him? He’ll probably try to kill me then too.”
“We’ll figure it out. I’m having the same problems with the people my wife knows.”
“They’re fucking thugs, huh?”
“Yup, and they’re trying to kill you too.”
“I guess it’s kind of hard for you to hide an affair when you talk about hanging out with polar bears all the time.”

We both laughed.

“They’re not going to be able to kill me, baby. There are Marines all over the place here, and they’re watching my back.”
“I know, but I still worry about it… and feel guilty about it… I’m not going to work today.”
“Yeah… I’m not going to school.”

He gave me a stern look.

“It’s English class!”
“Ok, you’re good then. Do you have a paper due?”
“Nope, that’s next week, Sergeant!”
“Haha, well, that’s good.” he sighed.

I could tell something was wrong and that he had something to tell me that I wasn’t going to like by the look on his face.

“I have something that I need to tell you but I don’t want you to get upset about it and I feel like shit about it…. Andddd this isn’t very good timing because of what just happened. Heh.”
“Shit. We’re both fucked up……”
“Yup, time to smoke a blunt and have a chit-chat.”
“I already know what you’re gonna tell me so I’ll smoke a blunt while you think of how to explain it.”
“You’re not mad?”
“I am, but I’m not. Those freaks in Hollywood live a fucking life that I have no idea about, baby. I need you to explain it to me.”

So, we light up the blunt and I could tell that what was happening to him really hurt him down inside.

“You need to tell me about it, naughty. Obviously it’s something out of your control.”
“That hemp bracelet that you gave me for my birthday…”
“She found it, huh?”
“Yup, and I have to give it back.”
“She threatened you with those thugs didn’t she?”
“Yup.”
“But that’s not the part that you thought would make me upset.”

Tears.

“Smoke this! Smoke this!” I said

He took a drag and started crying like I cried earlier. Snot down face and everything.

“You have to sleep with other women now, don’t you?”

He shook his head as I held him, wiped the tears from his eyes and the snot off his face, onto the couch.

“It’s not women…. Fuck.”

He cried harder as I held him closely.

“Baby, I don’t think any differently of you.”
“But I think differently of myself!” he wailed.
“You shouldn’t, baby, you’re being abused…. Fuck……”
“You’re not thinking of leaving me are you?”
“No! Not in that way! It’s just that I feel like it’s my fault.”
“Sweetpea, you’re the only thing that’s keeping me alive!!”
“You’re the only thing that’s keeping me alive too…… Man! We are constantly toiling between life and death here! I guess that’s what love is all about, right?”

He started to laugh, so I got up and got him some tissues to blow his nose. I looked at the blunt burning on the ash tray.

“You need –”
“I know, I need to smoke this. My baby rolls the bestest blunts.”

I smiled.

“FUCK! Why did I just say it like that?”
“Beeeecauuuuuse you say it like that all the time.”
“I do?”
“Yes….. Baby, you’re not gay. Watch.”

I took the blunt from his hand, and put it on the ash tray. Our lips touched eachother in complete ecstasy as he put his arms around me and brought me to the bedroom. We ripped eachothers’ clothes off as if it was the last time we were going to have sex. He fucked me like a dirty animal, like always. As we both got off, he laid down next to me and I looked at him and said, “I told you so.” He started laughing really hard.

“This is what I get for falling in love with a Marine.”

This was a hard day for us, but veging out on various documentaries and the occasional romp in the bedroom helped a lot. We sang folk songs:

There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza
There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole
Then mend it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry
Then mend it dear Henry, dear Henry, then mend it
With what shall I mend it dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I ment it dear Liza, with what?

“Baby girl… You are the only person in this FUCKING world who I can sing that song with.”
“I love that song. It helps me work!”
He laughed, “I know, me too.”

Then I started:

I’ve been working on the railroad
all the live-long day!
I’ve been working on the railroad

Then he joined in:

just to pass the time away!
Can you hear the whistle blowin’
bright and early in the morn?
Can you hear the whistle blowin’?
Esmarelda blow your horn!!

“Woot woot!” I yelled, “Wait… what? Did you say Esmarelda.”
“Yes.”
“Hm. I like that better than Delilah.”
“I know, because you’re my Esmarelda.”

Then he won another romp in the bedroom.

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